And cry myself to sleep again...
Maybe it's the time of the month cos i feel unusually ugly & insecure.
Maybe it's the time of the month cos i feel unusually ugly & insecure.
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Thursday, January 25, 2018
Sometimes, i hate my job
Dina Pranaswari
1:25 AM
No comments
I just want to be a normal likeable person, not a perfectionist b*tch :(
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
It's The Time of The Month
Dina Pranaswari
9:17 AM
No comments
Lost my motivation
Just want to do nothing & eat
Wanna cancel all plans
Feeling exhausted for no reason (i barely do anything)
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Scared
Dina Pranaswari
12:16 AM
No comments
Of a potential heart break.
It's about a week before my period and i think the PMDD started kicking in. The indication is actually quite simple. My eyes feels like a leaking bucket of water, i just can't hold my tears even for the smallest trigger.
I've been taking a supplement called evening primrose oil (EPO) that supposedly balance my hormones, but since it's only about 1-2 weeks so i'm not so sure if it's working, i do feel slightly more motivated and my mood swing is not as bad, but i still feel miserable sometimes, even though not to that extent.
After 2 break ups, i was determined to empty the house until i could fix myself & make myself stronger. Even when i was super miserable & kinda bored, i hanged on not to search for another replacement. I endured the pain because i don't want to cause another problem.
But my plan didn't go the way i wanted it to be, again. I think i forgot to close the door. I ended up liking someone again. And frankly, it's so annoying. Because i don't want to be in a one-sided love again. I tried to forget my feeling and just pretend it wasn't there, but doing that just making me more obsessed and i began to stalk his social media lol
Now i'm just so scared that sooner or later i might be heartbroken again, and i'm afraid i can't avoid that, i'm afraid i'll fall deep enough that it'll need quite a lot of time to recover, and i end up neglecting my work again. Aren't two failed relationships enough?? Why must i go through this again...?
I'm so frustrated & feel like i'm going crazy.
It's about a week before my period and i think the PMDD started kicking in. The indication is actually quite simple. My eyes feels like a leaking bucket of water, i just can't hold my tears even for the smallest trigger.
I've been taking a supplement called evening primrose oil (EPO) that supposedly balance my hormones, but since it's only about 1-2 weeks so i'm not so sure if it's working, i do feel slightly more motivated and my mood swing is not as bad, but i still feel miserable sometimes, even though not to that extent.
After 2 break ups, i was determined to empty the house until i could fix myself & make myself stronger. Even when i was super miserable & kinda bored, i hanged on not to search for another replacement. I endured the pain because i don't want to cause another problem.
But my plan didn't go the way i wanted it to be, again. I think i forgot to close the door. I ended up liking someone again. And frankly, it's so annoying. Because i don't want to be in a one-sided love again. I tried to forget my feeling and just pretend it wasn't there, but doing that just making me more obsessed and i began to stalk his social media lol
Now i'm just so scared that sooner or later i might be heartbroken again, and i'm afraid i can't avoid that, i'm afraid i'll fall deep enough that it'll need quite a lot of time to recover, and i end up neglecting my work again. Aren't two failed relationships enough?? Why must i go through this again...?
I'm so frustrated & feel like i'm going crazy.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
New Year New Me Bullsh*t?
Dina Pranaswari
8:55 PM
No comments
I stopped writing my new year resolutions i think when i was in college because i realized that i didn't really do what i write lol. Some cases i didn't even try. And yeah until now i do still feel reluctant to write anything cos i feel like i'm gonna fail.
But i think i figured out what was the problem that i failed to do those years of resolutions. I too focused (and ambitious) on the goals, without thinking too much of the process, so i ended up procrastinating.
This year i'm gonna try a different way to do my resolutions. Instead of listing a whole lot of them, i'll only write one at a time and try to accomplish it. So i'll feel a sense of accomplishment everytime i got it done, instead of failure when i look back a year later and see that i can't even do half of the list.
And for the first one is...
Be able to do split.
LOL
maybe it's seems silly but this is actually huge for me as a dancer. Because i'm actually really inflexible, and yeah i think it'll be awesome if i can actually do it! I've been trying to get this done for years, but again, i think i too focused on the goal without knowing what i must do.
But since 2-3 months ago, i'm trying to focus on the process instead! I didn't even set a time limit of when i must be able to do it, but i try to commit to the process, which is everytime i go to the gym (3 times a week), i'll do my warm up & flexibility stretch.
And now, i'm almost there!! Maybe i'll be able to do it in a month but nevertheless i feel kinda proud of myself for just being able to commit to the process :))
But i think i figured out what was the problem that i failed to do those years of resolutions. I too focused (and ambitious) on the goals, without thinking too much of the process, so i ended up procrastinating.
This year i'm gonna try a different way to do my resolutions. Instead of listing a whole lot of them, i'll only write one at a time and try to accomplish it. So i'll feel a sense of accomplishment everytime i got it done, instead of failure when i look back a year later and see that i can't even do half of the list.
And for the first one is...
Be able to do split.
LOL
maybe it's seems silly but this is actually huge for me as a dancer. Because i'm actually really inflexible, and yeah i think it'll be awesome if i can actually do it! I've been trying to get this done for years, but again, i think i too focused on the goal without knowing what i must do.
But since 2-3 months ago, i'm trying to focus on the process instead! I didn't even set a time limit of when i must be able to do it, but i try to commit to the process, which is everytime i go to the gym (3 times a week), i'll do my warm up & flexibility stretch.
And now, i'm almost there!! Maybe i'll be able to do it in a month but nevertheless i feel kinda proud of myself for just being able to commit to the process :))
Thursday, December 28, 2017
The Balance
Dina Pranaswari
10:42 AM
No comments
Between still making the money needed to make life worth living, minimizing the guilt of not being able to do my work well, and not to burden my parents too much.
Hope i can find it soon.
Hope i can find it soon.
The switch
Dina Pranaswari
10:32 AM
No comments
Hope i can find the switch to turn off my emotions, because i have too much of it. And it's tiring. And it's taking away my sleep. And lead me to another satan's circle.
And it's making me ugly. I can't get rid of these dark circles if i keep on crying :(
And it's making me ugly. I can't get rid of these dark circles if i keep on crying :(
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