There's always a time, once a month, that i just can't help but thinking about the past. i'm stuck in it. i'm thinking
about the people, the things i wanna say to them, the unspoken words of gratitude, the worries for some friends that happened to be having the similar situation. But then the fear, the trauma, all of them mixed in one moment, as i tried to make sense of all that happened, even though it's not supposed to be questioned. another sleepless night. the worries about the future, as i'm stuck between two worlds. do i have the patient to wait? or do i have the courage & strength to overcome my fear and go back there? do i just have to let it go? the person i can't imagine of letting go... how should i deal with all these, really? that's what i thought, the thoughts that i shouldn't be thinking. that i should just live, and let it flow. but it keeps repeating its selves, on another sleepless night, 12 times a year, and i still don't know how to overcome it, i still don't know how to stop thinking, i don't even know why the thoughts keep going back haunting me. but as they all said, if you failed, try again. so that's just what i'm gonna do, try again and again, even if i always failed every time, even if i haven't suceeded even once, just because there's nothing left i could do. just live. and try again.
about the people, the things i wanna say to them, the unspoken words of gratitude, the worries for some friends that happened to be having the similar situation. But then the fear, the trauma, all of them mixed in one moment, as i tried to make sense of all that happened, even though it's not supposed to be questioned. another sleepless night. the worries about the future, as i'm stuck between two worlds. do i have the patient to wait? or do i have the courage & strength to overcome my fear and go back there? do i just have to let it go? the person i can't imagine of letting go... how should i deal with all these, really? that's what i thought, the thoughts that i shouldn't be thinking. that i should just live, and let it flow. but it keeps repeating its selves, on another sleepless night, 12 times a year, and i still don't know how to overcome it, i still don't know how to stop thinking, i don't even know why the thoughts keep going back haunting me. but as they all said, if you failed, try again. so that's just what i'm gonna do, try again and again, even if i always failed every time, even if i haven't suceeded even once, just because there's nothing left i could do. just live. and try again.