Scared

Of a potential heart break.

It's about a week before my period and i think the PMDD started kicking in. The indication is actually quite simple. My eyes feels like a leaking bucket of water, i just can't hold my tears even for the smallest trigger.
I've been taking a supplement called evening primrose oil (EPO) that supposedly balance my hormones, but since it's only about 1-2 weeks so i'm not so sure if it's working, i do feel slightly more motivated and my mood swing is not as bad, but i still feel miserable sometimes, even though not to that extent.

After 2 break ups, i was determined to empty the house until i could fix myself & make myself stronger. Even when i was super miserable & kinda bored, i hanged on not to search for another replacement. I endured the pain because i don't want to cause another problem.

But my plan didn't go the way i wanted it to be, again. I think i forgot to close the door. I ended up liking someone again. And frankly, it's so annoying. Because i don't want to be in a one-sided love again. I tried to forget my feeling and just pretend it wasn't there, but doing that just making me more obsessed and i began to stalk his social media lol

Now i'm just so scared that sooner or later i might be heartbroken again, and i'm afraid i can't avoid that, i'm afraid i'll fall deep enough that it'll need quite a lot of time to recover, and i end up neglecting my work again. Aren't two failed relationships enough?? Why must i go through this again...?
I'm so frustrated & feel like i'm going crazy.